[Audio]

[salamandher]

Right... so people are ranting and raving that the staff aren't telling us things. I got that. Also got they were a little shady on the whole dog-bite thing.

So, that in mind?

The hell else aren't they warning us about when we show up here? You know, so I don't get zombie-curse-bites in the future.

[The audio pauses.]

And... is there anywhere other than the tiny cell rooms to hole up in? Like. Not tiny cell rooms?

Comments

[thenotmagician]

Guess you could sleep in the common hall. Seems comfortable enough.

Prolly not alotta privacy, though.

[Audio]

[waitsandlistens]

You know about the zombie lady?

[salamandher]

Yeah, no. I'm looking to not feel like I'm in jail, not trying to give everyone a free show when I start drooling every night.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

... No.

What zombie lady?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

Dr. Kloe is infected with some kind of virus that does the same thing.

[Sorry Kloe but he's got no problem telling people that.]

There's something living in the lake too, but I haven't seen it.

And um, if you don't like the cells there's plenty of improvised housing you can find.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

... Real zombies, then? Honest-to-possibly-existent-God-zombies?

And... 'something'? What kind of 'something'? How come no one mentions this when you show up?

[Deep breath -- one more question.] Okay. Where?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

I guess so? I never really knew what zombie was before I got here.

Everyone says that it's some kind of lake monster, but I've never seen it myself. The people who work here haven't really told me much, but to be honest I really haven't asked them either.

Um, well, there are buildings all over. I've been sleeping in the stables since I got here.

[As much as he's trying, he gets the distinct feeling that he's not being helpful.]

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Well. Congratulations. Now you know they're nasty sons of bitches all around.

Why not?

... You were ... sleeping in the stables. Seriously?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

I liked it better when I didn't know really.

[Last time he met a zombie it was a dragon and it nearly ate him.]

Well um, I guess I uh, just, never thought about it...

[He's beginning to realize how incredibly stupid he is for never asking.]

Yeah, it's better than those awful cells.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Everybody does.

[She just lets the silence do the talking on the subject of the staff.]

... I guess I'll keep on looking. Stables don't... really suit me. Horses hate me.

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

Is there anyone who wouldn't?

[Right, he'll just be quiet and feel stupid for mentioning anything about that.]

The horses aren't so bad. It's the moose that's the problem.

[browholived]

Probably everything. I've yet to be convinced this isn't Hell.

And a room's a room. Just a place to sleep. Why does the size matter?

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Necrophiliacs.

[Why yes, she did deadpan that answer.]

... Wait. Moose? Why is there a moose in there?

[salamandher]

No. Hell's got more goblins and fire and ice. If you can wrap your brain around that one.

... Okay. Let's get something straight. I really don't care how small the damn thing is, so long as it stops looking like a jail cell.

That's the issue. Got it?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

[That actually gets a chuckle out of him.]

At least someone is happy I guess.

Because it won't leave? It's been here longer than I have I think.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Does it have a little moose saddle too? Or does it just stand around feeling inadequate when the horses go on parade?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

Not really, I haven't seen anyone get near it without it trying to bash someone's skull in.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

So... yeah, it has horse envy. In the worse possible way.

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

I guess so, but I don't want to get close enough to figure out what its problem is.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

So you're not a moose-whisperer?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

If I am I'm no good at it. The last time I got near that thing I found out personally just how mean it can get.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Did your good intentions bite you in the ass?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

It was really more bad luck than good intentions. I ended up falling through the second floor of the stables into its pen.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

You... fell into the pen of an angry moose.

And you think living in the stables is an okay plan?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

It only happened once, and I fixed the hole afterwards.

[It's a foolproof plan! Really!]