[Audio]

[salamandher]

Right... so people are ranting and raving that the staff aren't telling us things. I got that. Also got they were a little shady on the whole dog-bite thing.

So, that in mind?

The hell else aren't they warning us about when we show up here? You know, so I don't get zombie-curse-bites in the future.

[The audio pauses.]

And... is there anywhere other than the tiny cell rooms to hole up in? Like. Not tiny cell rooms?

Comments

[thenotmagician]

Guess you could sleep in the common hall. Seems comfortable enough.

Prolly not alotta privacy, though.

[salamandher]

Yeah, no. I'm looking to not feel like I'm in jail, not trying to give everyone a free show when I start drooling every night.

[Audio]

[waitsandlistens]

You know about the zombie lady?

[Audio]

[salamandher]

... No.

What zombie lady?

Re: [Audio]

[waitsandlistens]

The one who got sick and killed half the keep.

She's still here.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

And nobody warns newbies... why?

[Audio]

[waitsandlistens]

[Toph shrugs, forgetting that she's out of sight.]

Don't look at me. I got nothing. They probably think it's more fun this way.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

... Great.

That's just awesome. Really.

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

Dr. Kloe is infected with some kind of virus that does the same thing.

[Sorry Kloe but he's got no problem telling people that.]

There's something living in the lake too, but I haven't seen it.

And um, if you don't like the cells there's plenty of improvised housing you can find.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

... Real zombies, then? Honest-to-possibly-existent-God-zombies?

And... 'something'? What kind of 'something'? How come no one mentions this when you show up?

[Deep breath -- one more question.] Okay. Where?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

I guess so? I never really knew what zombie was before I got here.

Everyone says that it's some kind of lake monster, but I've never seen it myself. The people who work here haven't really told me much, but to be honest I really haven't asked them either.

Um, well, there are buildings all over. I've been sleeping in the stables since I got here.

[As much as he's trying, he gets the distinct feeling that he's not being helpful.]

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Well. Congratulations. Now you know they're nasty sons of bitches all around.

Why not?

... You were ... sleeping in the stables. Seriously?

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

I liked it better when I didn't know really.

[Last time he met a zombie it was a dragon and it nearly ate him.]

Well um, I guess I uh, just, never thought about it...

[He's beginning to realize how incredibly stupid he is for never asking.]

Yeah, it's better than those awful cells.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Everybody does.

[She just lets the silence do the talking on the subject of the staff.]

... I guess I'll keep on looking. Stables don't... really suit me. Horses hate me.

[Audio]

[helluvachin]

Is there anyone who wouldn't?

[Right, he'll just be quiet and feel stupid for mentioning anything about that.]

The horses aren't so bad. It's the moose that's the problem.

[Audio]

[salamandher]

Necrophiliacs.

[Why yes, she did deadpan that answer.]

... Wait. Moose? Why is there a moose in there?

[browholived]

Probably everything. I've yet to be convinced this isn't Hell.

And a room's a room. Just a place to sleep. Why does the size matter?

[salamandher]

No. Hell's got more goblins and fire and ice. If you can wrap your brain around that one.

... Okay. Let's get something straight. I really don't care how small the damn thing is, so long as it stops looking like a jail cell.

That's the issue. Got it?

audio

[faithcrises]

They've been frustratingly vague about the extent of what threats lie in the forest.

We had to meet the giant golem ourselves. Fanged deer hunting in packs, and the like.

audio

[salamandher]

Fanged... deer hunting in packs.

Jesus, did they just import all the weird shit they could think of?

audio

[faithcrises]

[Okay, who is this Jesus dude people keep talking about? Nel figures he has to be somebody important for it to come up every other conversation. She takes it in stride.]

Frankly, I expected the deer to also have wings.

audio

[salamandher]

Seriously? Why's that?

audio

[faithcrises]

It might feel a bit more like my homeworld. Most of the farm animals they have here are. . . less decorated.

The-- horses? Are shaped like beasts on Elicoor, but smaller. Not designed for harsh weather, either, and not horned. We call them lums.

[Like Tums, but hornier!]

audio

[salamandher]

Your homeworld. As in, another planet? As in, "Hey girl what's up I'm an alien"?

[The thing about alien horses sort of flew over her head -- because how many aliens ARE there here?]

audio

[faithcrises]

I'm assuming Earth is your world? In that case, you would be the alien from my perspective.

[CASUALLY SLIDES IN A POINT.]